Fucking germ-vision
Does anyone else remember childhood and the huge issue of hand washing? Right before any meal, a parent would request that you take a trip to the bathroom and wash your hands.
A big fuss was always made, "My hands aren't dirty, look!"
Of course all parents seemed to posses germ-vision built into their eyes, so they always spotted dirt. So off you went, to the bathroom, closing the door behind you. The plan wasn't to actually wash your hands; it was to turn the faucet on for two minutes while you explored the various drawers and cupboards.
Exactly two minutes later you would pop out of the bathroom, wiping you hands on your pants, pretending to be getting that last bit of moisture off.
A parent would then say, "Did you wash your hands? Or do I have to smell them?"
Now you were down to the moment of truth, half the time you would get away with the charade, the other half you were busted. This high stakes game was as real as it got for any little kid. Why, I then ask, didn't I ever want clean hands?!!
Did I not realize that I been playing in dirt and picking my butt all day? All those times I had dodged the hand-washing bullet; I was then letting flakes of fecies trickle down my throat. With every tater-tot down the hatch, I ingested maggot egg after maggot egg. Kids, are really, really stupid.
