Ben Gadient 1982 - 2000
Written by Dan Serafin
It is my sad duty in accordance with the state of Minnesota to inform you that a one Ben Gadient has died at the same time as the beloved Col. Klink. Ben died under circumstances, which I can honestly say I had nothing to do with. All I can say about Ben was his life was like his basement, it was never finished. Ben had a certain Gadient wit about him that was both charming and annoying at the same time. But that is what we will all remember the most about Ben. He could really annoy the piss out of someone but still get them to lone him money. I could talk all day about his flaws. I would like to take this time to briefly recap this mans short life history in the hopes he will not haunt me for the rest of my life.
It all started in the year of 1982 on May 12. His parents were Mike and Mary Jo Gadient and had six brothers and sisters. He lived in Apple Valley in a house next to Andrea Renzs. Andrea creeped me out. Later on he moved to his house in Burnsville. For as long as I can remember that house has been under construction. I guess an answering machine is the last thing they're putting in.
It was in the 3rd grade when I came to meet and know Ben. I thought Ben Gadient to be a wonderful person who wouldn't hurt or bother a soul. He certainly impressed us all with a drawing of a naked woman in his ninja turtles notebook. After that I knew I could take advantage of him for many years to come.
It wasn't until 5th grade that Ben hit the peak of his life. He had his first girl friend in his class, a real bitch by the name of Tara Ponder. I could never figure out why Ben dated her. Anyway, so he dated this girl until they got in some kind of a fight. It was then he preformed what was the single coolest act ever seen at Southview Elementary (aside from my own mischievous antics). Tara had given Ben a necklace that looked really gay to symbolize their relationship and the fact that she owned him. Ben caught on to this. One day, he walked right up to Tara, tore the necklace off and dropped it right in front of her and walked away because he had pooped in his pants.
He regretted not pursuing a relationship with the future Miss Lakeville 1999, Janelle Weller. He was sadly mistaken thinking that she was interested in him. She had her heart set on an up and coming young poet in another class.
Middle school was no picnic for Ben by any means. He became even quieter and angrier. It seemed that his life was down hill from here. People seemed to delight in picking on him and teasing him. He said once that I was the only one not making fun of him or taking advantage of him. He said I was his only friend. That meant a lot to me. The times were tough. It was hard to be a good friend to Ben while not letting other people find out. Kilroy 4 eva.
Ben's days in high school were some of the greatest times of his life. Like most men, Ben loved women sometimes more than others. His tale of tawdry affairs began with his first and only true love, Megan Osborn. I had no idea who she was until I saw her at Jessica Bramers house for homecoming. That bitch still owes me $20. Ben and Megan had a special kind of relationship. A special "lets make out in Dan's bathroom" kind of relationship. A "hurry up, someone is coming" relationship. And that was how Ben's freshman, sophomore, and junior years were spent. But as the old saying goes "if you truly love it, set it free." Megan set him free all right. Set him free right in the ass! You better believe she kicked him to the curb. I never knew why they broke up? I assumed it had something with the fact she was attracted to me or something. I don't know?
Ben later went on to become friends with Alexis Hyatt...
Aside from loving, another passion that Ben had was Frisbee. The ultimate kind. He spearheaded Apple Valley's first-ever Ultimate Frisbee League. Since his sophomore year, Ben was captain of the Wayouts ultimate Frisbee team. Over the past years the Wayouts became better and by their senior year, it seemed the team was a shoe in to take the championship. However, they lost in the final game to a bunch of assholes. The team's fans and all of the members blamed Ben for this humiliating defeat. It would not be fair to put all of the blame on Ben though; fat head Bill Germshide had a lot to do with it too.
And he graduated, had an open house, dated and proposed to Liz Branell, and later died. And that brings us to today.
There was so much that Ben did not get to do so much he wanted to be. Ben had braces in his life and that made him want to be an orthodontist like Lori's dad. Most importantly, Ben wanted to be an icon. That will never happen now. Ben has been taken away to a better place...I think.
Ben never made any of his dreams come true. I will make one of them come true for him now. Visit Dan ofall Trades on aol instant messenger and you will see the icon that he wanted to be, the one he deserved to be. Some say that his demise came from all of his loving and some say it came from the drugs. I say that he left his mouth open in the shower and drowned. In looking back on Bens life, he really only seemed to want to love women. Love women and play Frisbee.
Well old friend, I hope you're up there or down there doing what you love. I will do my best to make sure that every one knows just what kind of person you really were, a love em and leave em kind of guy with a mean Frisbee arm.
So friends, take a little time out of your day today and remember the good times of Ben. I do. I remember the he was playing at my desk and stapled his finger. Remember Ben. But don't worry too much about it; we all have to get on with out lives. Ben would of wanted it that way.
Article was last edited on Sunday, August 17th, 2008 @ 5:14 PM